Toronto Sun

Thursday, October 14, 1999

'Sperm donor' wins custody

Mom loses girl to ex and told to keep away

By GRETCHEN DRUMMIE, TORONTO SUN

  A woman who turned to her ex-husband as a "sperm donor" after they split because she desperately wanted a child has lost custody of the girl to the dad and been told to stay 100 metres away from them.

Nearly 40 and single, the woman enlisted the help of two men to impregnate her, one of whom was her ex. In 1991, she gave birth to a girl, with her ex at her side.

"This story is a tragic one," said Justice Denise Bellamy in a judgment released yesterday, noting the plan was for the woman to raise the child, now 8, with financial support from the ex. In fact, the opposite has happened and the dad has sole custody.

Bellamy said she came to the "heart-breaking" decision because the mom can't shake a false obsession that the dad is sexually abusing the little girl. The faulty fixation has led the mom to abduct the child twice and subject her to weekly medical exams.

She also claims the father is nothing but a "sperm donor," tells the girl she's a "contract baby" and has an erroneous belief two Children's Aid Societies and police bungled their investigations.

The woman, who isn't named to protect her child's privacy, is a trained teacher, social worker and nurse but works as a cashier. The dad is in sales.

The couple split in 1989 and were amicable for three years after the child's birth, even taking holidays together. The father had regular access to the child but after he met another woman in 1994 the mom alleged he sexually abused his daughter. Police investigated and no charges were laid.

The mother abducted the child to Calgary but she was brought back after the courts intervened. In 1995 she alleged sex abuse again but no charges were laid.

Bellamy said the woman subjected the child to so many exams the Children's Aid Society was troubled.

A court assessor determined the father should have custody, with the mom having supervised access and a recommendation for therapy. Instead the mother abducted her girl and when nabbed at the United States border had posters depicting the dad as a child molester and a letter with all the signs of a murder/suicide note.

In July 1995 a judge gave interim custody to the dad. The mom has not seen her child since.

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